Please give me attention

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Ever since we got married I noticed that my wife would start complaining whenever I was doing something on my own at home while she was there as well. She wants me to sit with her whenever she is relaxing in front of the TV or just lying in bed.

In the beginning I had no issues with this. We are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage and I wanted to spend time with her doing nothing. Now that the New Year has started and I’ve started setting goals and working towards those goals, I feel like I need some time on my own.

I don’t mean that I want to be alone, I just mean I want to be able to sit at home at my desk working on my budget, streamlining my expense tracking app and updating our grocery price book. That’s just the personal stuff I listed. There are other things I’m working on for our fathers as well.

My father-in-law recently decided to start making furniture out of wooden pallets. Since then I’ve been helping him market his products online. I’ve edited the photos on Photoshop to include a description and a price, posted those pictures in Buy and Sell groups on Facebook and even started a Facebook page for his business.

My dad’s business has been running for a while now (more than a year since he resigned from his job now) and they’ve made a big success out of it. They even acquired a convenient store recently. My dad’s asked me to set up a website and email for his business. So I’ve been trying to work on that as well.

My wife is aware of her neediness. She made a joke with her mom the other day that whenever I’m working on my own she misses me. She even mentioned the time I was working on her dad’s pictures and she couldn’t leave me for longer than an hour without needing me to come sit with her and cuddle her etc.

Now I’m aware that I might be painting a very biased picture for you, but I honestly feel bad for staying on my phone for more than 10 minutes. I wanted to do work this weekend (real work, work from my current employers) but chose to skip it and hope the client doesn’t get upset on Monday.

Although this past weekend she let me do my thing. I was working on my budget all weekend. I wanted to get it done before my paycheck hits my account. I wanted to have a budget before I start spending my money again. I did take it too far. Sunday night when we went to bed, she was in bed on her own for about 30-45 minutes while I sat at my desk working on my finances.

This morning she looked upset and we hardly said a word to each other. I feel like I need to apologize. I know I was wrong for being unavailable for so long. However, lectures start next week and then she will be home alone for 3-4 hours every day (except Fridays) and I will also be working on my school work and be studying. How will she cope then if she can’t even cope for one weekend without getting upset?

I’m also afraid if I don’t give her the attention she deserves that she might go on and look for it elsewhere. I know she isn’t the cheating type and I know she wouldn’t cheat on me, but I don’t want to push her too far and put her in a situation that might lead to that.

Update/Edit
The above was typed this morning. Since then I called my wife and asked her if we could have lunch this afternoon. I asked her what the matter was and she says she didn’t mind me doing my own thing last night. She is upset because she asked me a question last night and I didn’t answer. She interpreted as I need quiet and so she kept quiet. Also she isn’t upset, she is just quiet.

Okay, I don’t want to turn this into a long post. I will end it just there.
Until next time. Thank for reading.

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3 comments

  1. It sounds like you guys need to keep communicating with each other and work on being comfortable asking for what you need from the other person.

    It’s a constant exercise and I don’t pretend to be an expert. ML have set aside days/afternoons sometimes to just be together. If it’s a day we call it a Day o’Fun and focus on doing things together. When we’re super busy and not seeing each other for a long stretch seeing those days ahead helps keep our relationship sane.r

    1. Yeah, when we were still dating we used to have Friday Night Movie Nights. That means that no matter what, we would spend Friday nights at home with some take-out and a movie. My friends even knew that I wouldn’t join them on Fridays.
      But now that we are living together, it seems a bit pointless. Maybe we should reinstate Movie Nights.
      I was kind of hoping to see how she handles me going to school then take it from there. I’m secretly hoping she gets used to not having my full attention all the time and maybe find a hobby for herself.
      She always enjoyed reading but her parents didn’t like it when she was in her room the whole time. She should spend time with the family in the lounge.
      I recommended getting a kindle and catching up on some reading she missed out on. My wife is still not convinced about the kindle. Well see how this goes down.

      1. You can only do the best you can, it’s also up to her to check in with you and let you know how she’s feeling. You sound like you’re trying to help her find things that interest it.

        The at home date night/Day O’Fun did seem pointless to me too at first when we got married. Part of it was what’s the difference between ending up watching reruns on a Tuesday night vs. planning to watch them on a Friday night? I found that the change was that we were choosing to spend that time together.

        I also felt a bit strange saying to friends, “That night’s not good.” When I knew that all we had on the agenda was watching TV together.
        Then I noticed the change in myself. When I knew we had scheduled time together I was alright with other things happening/coming up.

        I don’t know your wife at all so she may be totally different than me! If we didn’t have a plan before ML started his super crazy schedule where I see him 2 nights a week and 1 weekend afternoon I would probably have started feeling angry quite quickly.
        Even though I know that he’s busy doing things we agreed on I may have felt neglected and put upon.

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